(Not a)Girl next door

Somewhere between retaining “character” and being a free spirit
I climbed few hills to know my identity
It’s always been the same
I try to give up just before reaching the top
But I drag
Myself furiously
Just for that one moment
I get on the top
.
It’s always been the same
I try to live a life of girl next door
But I open
The doors furiously
Just for that one breath
I get under the sky
.
I hate moving
Cunningly
I hate the hidden smiles
I prefer
to laugh out loud
It’s always been the same
I try to hide my desires inside
But I cry
Out loud
Just for that one flight
I get for free